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Buy it now from Giovanni's Room or from our Amazon.com store - Awake  

Nothing is given to men, and the little they can conquer is paid for with unjust deaths. But man’s greatness lies elsewhere. It lies in his decision to be stronger than his condition. And if his condition is unjust, he has only one way of overcoming it, which is to be just himself.

Camus – Resistance, Rebellion and Death

Firstly, all net proceeds from the sale of Awake will go to the Trevor Project. “The Trevor Project,” as described in the book, “is determined to end suicide among LGBTQ youth by providing lifesaving and life-affirming resources including our nationwide, 24/7 crisis intervention lifeline, digital community and advocacy/educational programs that create a safe, supportive and positive environment for everyone.”

Secondly, the foreword for this book comes from Kathe Koja. It is an eloquent foreword that begs young LGBTQ folk to look in the mirror, to look at their own souls and conclude, “Yes, look, there you are: and you are FINE. You are fine exactly the way you are—

I do not read or write YA. And, in saying that, I don’t devalue the worth of the genre, especially as it applies to kids who find themselves ensconced within a very dark and dangerous shroud of self-loathing simply because they are different, simply because their particular drummer taps a different rhythm unlike all the others, all the “normal” others.

The first short in this collection, Worth Waiting For by Nancy Garden, provides a picture of young woman, a lesbian who struggles through the implications of joining her high school’s newly formed GSA—Gay/Straight Alliance. She is not certain she has the courage to come out amongst the minions of the two-bit town where she lives, knowing that surely they would look upon such a thing (and her) as perhaps just simply wrong, worthless, dirty. Indeed, she realizes, if one joins a GSA then one will be perceived as gay, or gay-friendly. Her mother espouses the love the sinner, hate the sin mentality, while her older brother, little sister, and her father embrace her as just a sister, a child—loved unconditionally in spite of all the hurtful baggage that comes with the realization one is queer. Their preacher, a wild-eyed Fundamentalist, exacerbates the problem by condemning the high school’s intent to embrace a GSA program. The high school stands firm on its commitment, in spite of the preacher’s admonitions. In the mean time, the protagonist meets a “big city” young woman who certainly believes joining the GSA is a worthy endeavor. The “big city” young woman is eventually revealed to be gay, and the story weaves this revelation through the yearnings of both young women to be with the other, to love the other eternally.

Worth Waiting For is an all too (sadly) typical story about not only the angst suffered by young women who struggle to accept and celebrate their lesbianism, but also about the struggle of a mother to understand this strange, nasty, incomprehensible journey into the psyche of a child who defies the norm, as well as the teachings of her church. I will not reveal the ending except to say it is heartening, providing some little hope that reconciliations do occur, even from the most disparate ends of understanding and acceptance. Garden’s writing is matter-of-fact, capturing the roller coaster of emotions that surely young folk can identify with when confronted with matters of principle and courage, even matters that, at first, bode ill for continued love from family.        

A Line in the Sand by Robin Reardon, the second story in this collection, gives us a fifteen-year-old young man, Dustin, born to a well-to-do family vacationing on the South Carolina shore, where he soon discovers the dark-haired, very tan sixteen-year-old Randy. While Dustin’s parents—whom he refers to as Mamma and Daddy—are, like him, very accepting of his sexuality, Randy’s father, born a Saudi, and, even having renounced Islam, is not at all comfortable or accepting of homosexuality. Although Randy is not “out” to his parents, he knows that his father knows about him. 

Dustin is presented as thoroughly gay, perhaps a little stereotypically so. He advises his Mamma on everything from dress choices to cuisine. Randy, on the other hand, is thoroughly closeted and certainly not about to reveal any affectations to further confirm in his father’s mind that he is queer.  

It takes a little time—quick glances, stares, smiles in passing—for Dustin and Randy to quite innocently hook-up (lots of kisses, lying side-by-side on the sand) and reveal familial histories to one another, as well as the oh so different relationships they have with their parents.

Dustin struggles with the unfairness of his relationships (he’s had only two, counting Randy, for heaven’s sake!) ending up with boys who are not fully comfortable in their gay skins, and with parents who, unlike his, are not accepting of their sons’ sexuality. Dustin decides that he’s had enough, literally draws a line in the sand for Randy to cross, having convinced himself he will no longer accept the less than fulfilling relationships with boys so encumbered.

To Dustin’s surprise, Randy announces that he’s through trying to hide who he is. Dustin is thrilled, and soon Randy meets Dustin’s parents who are also happy their son has met such a nice young man.

Dustin suffers through a day without seeing or hearing from Randy. He wonders what could have happened. Has another, his second, relationship just fizzled out? Then, to his horror, his mother announces that she and Dustin’s father have met Randy’s family, and has invited them to dinner.  What will Randy do? Randy’s father has surely put two and two together. Yes, Dustin knows  he’s drawn that line in the sand, but can he really put Randy through this?

Dustin and Randy finally meet up and, again to Dustin’s surprise, Randy is determined to stand firm, be himself and face what may turn out to be a very revealing, perhaps contentious dinner with the two families. The dinner, however, does not occur after Randy’s father finds Dustin and Randy together on the beach. A confrontation between Randy’s father and Dustin’s parents ensues, where poignant truths are drawn out from Randy’s father who, perhaps, has not left that much of his Islamic upbringing behind him.

Reardon’s storytelling is charming. The humor encased in this little story is wonderful, as well as the backstory provided relating to family histories…some of it lighthearted, some of it darkly disturbing.

Shattered Diamonds, by Jordan Taylor is a very disturbing, intentionally dismal journey into not only the life of a bullied boy, but also that of his bully.

Told from the POV of the bully—who has made the effort to view the blog entries of the boy he and his friends unmercifully harassed—the story painfully inches toward the bully’s epiphany: “The truth—that tiny, precise spark which occasionally crosses my path—is that I do not know how to face his mother and say,  ‘I killed your son.’

“Tell me how. Show me how to look into the eyes of a stranger and justify death like a

science experiment. I do not know where to begin. I cannot face death as Jeremy did—

without looking back. I cannot look forward into the eyes of pain.

“So I write this. Because I don’t know what else to do. But I have to do something.”

Shattered Diamonds was, for me, a difficult read. No, not because Taylor’s writing is anything other than superb. It was difficult to read because of the persistent, over-and-over again recapitulation of the pain—both physical and emotional—inflicted upon the young man, Jeremy, whose crime was simply that he was skinny, unathletic, and—Oh me, Oh my!—that he made eye contact with the protagonist, the beau of the ball, the football jock, the desired stud who, in the end, became the one to realize that the rest of his life would be haunted by what he and his compadres had done to the skinny fag who dared to look into his, the protagonist’s eyes.

Oh, ye faint of heart, avoid this one if you are not prepared to experience the harsh reality of what occurs in America’s schools these days. 

The final story in this collection, Pervert by Brian Katcher, gives us an insight into a young man’s passion to explore the sexual parameters of his “other;” the overwhelming acknowledgement that his psyche demands he embrace that “other” as a thing as natural as a bird to flight, a horse to a gallop.

Secretly dressing in his mother’s and his sister’s clothes, our protagonist, “the boy” suffers the shame that attends any realization that one’s physical gender is, um, wrong, just simply wrong. But “the boy’s” sister comes to the rescue and accepts his “perversion,” actually accepting him/her to the point of dressing him/her up herself, applying makeup and inserting boobs into his “prom” dress. His sister concludes: “Sometimes holding something inside can just eat you up. Sometimes a secret isn’t so hard to deal with if you share it with someone.”

Unlike other stories in this collection, “the boy’s” parents are untypically accepting of his departure from the norm. Hallelujah!

As I noted at the outset, I don’t read or write YA. But, after exploring the tales in “Awake,” I am reminded that young folk—some of them, at least—do still read, and those that do just might be those young souls who need the affirmation that it does get better.  “Awake” provides that affirmation. I do so much thank the publisher for this collection, and their decision to contribute net proceeds from the sale of the book to the Trevor Project.

Just be yourselves, my young brothers and sisters. Find the courage to just be yourselves.

Reviewed by George Seaton