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Buy it now from our Amazon.com store -Suspicious Diagnosis  

Okay, look at the picture to your left before reading any further. No, no—force yourself. Isn’t that the most disgusting, off-putting, unappealing, WTF trainwreck of a cover you’ve ever seen? I mean, what is that all over the guy’s mouth? Vomit? Crusted oatmeal left over from breakfast? Ossified scrambled eggs from yesterday’s breakfast? I hear what you’re thinking—the content has to be better than the cover.

You’d be partially right.

Jardonn Smith’s Suspicious Diagnosis is a short, uneven book consisting of five stories—well, four stories and a seven page, two-act play. The first story, “Such a Man,” is basically the internal monologue of a guy during the funeral service for his partner, and it’s involving despite its brevity and lack of direction.

The second story, “The Nosy Neighbor,” features straight widower Daniel McKay, who finds an unlikely friendship with his new gay neighbors, Jeremy and Fred. Daniel gets a fantasy fulfilled with a blowjob from Jeremy while Dan’s hanging from a pull-up bar in a doorway but also becomes involved in their lives. The tone is interesting and Daniel unexpectedly changes from a nosy, judgmental neighbor to a kind, compassionate one.

The seven page, two-act play, “Senility” tries hard, I think, to be Beckett’s Waiting for Godot without the wordplay, metaphor or meaning. It’s almost as bad as the cover. Almost. 

But Smith comes into his own with the wonderful “A True Ring,” which mixes sex, romance and professional wrestling into a lengthy, truly interesting story. Marshall Strendlehocker is a collegiate wrestler hoping to break into the pro ranks, but he doesn’t like the “let’s-put-on-a-show” aspect. The bosses send young Jimmy Dolan to change his mind, Dolan and Strendlehocker falling in love as the wrestler learns the ropes. The story is sweet and hot, despite Smith’s over-reliance on labeling its parts.

“Suspicious Diagnosis,” the last piece, is a shade over a page long. Since it’s the title story and very brief, I read it several times thinking it might provide me with a clue not only to the title of the book but to the godawful cover. I was wrong on both counts.

Self-published books are always a crapshoot, and most of them really aren’t worth the trees they take to produce. Suspicious Diagnosis, however, shows enough raw talent for hope. All Smith needs is some polish, some editing and some guidance to let his writing shine.

A good art director wouldn’t hurt, either. 

Reviewed by Jerry Wheeler